Sunday, 11 January 2015

Diary #1 The Future

This is a late entry that I've been working on...

So I have recently I begun to think about uni (not that I haven't already...) and the only thing I salvaged from that experience was ....that I really didn't know what I wanted to do for the rest life (occupation-wise).

It is also becoming clear that I'm ok with that...

This might sound cliche, but what senior school has taught me was that nothing should be taken for granted. As a junior, you go about silently observing the seniors- imagining yourself in a couple of years time and quickly turning away and assuming a submissive stance when they catch you staring. Shying away from direct interaction you still envy their aura- that air about them that seemed so ready for the real world. And you tell yourself that there's plenty of time to think about 'after-school.' You remind yourself this multiple times during your education, but you forget the night before Graduation. 

In retrospect there is never enough time to think about the future and other associated subjects. It seems that no one is allowed the hypothetical time to test the waters- one toe at a time. Its more like a leap of faith most times, if not all. Essentially no one ever is prepared for life. Everyone, behind their facade of grace and security is just as hopelessly confused and capable of uncertainty as everyone else. I hope I'm making sense.... As my Grandfather would say; "Its safe as life!" No a spoken word was truer. Life is dangerous, it is scary, unpredictable, filled with infinite possibilities, unspoken words, unannounced love, full of pain, anguish- all this is true and real. 

I didn't intend to reach a conclusive answer to this enigmatic subject- and so fittingly I think I will never. Otherwise, life would be pretty predictable and undeniably boring.

I think I might write. I don't know what though. To transcend the comfort zone to really experience life. That is what a writer needs. I think I may be too taken by this idea. In my defense, I have tried to be more worldly. More open to everything and everyone. 

I want to be worldly. Then again I have a habit of being too ambitious. 

On a lighter note, I think I might get back into blogging. Otherwise I'm just thrashing around on the internet aimlessly.