Saturday, 21 March 2015

#4 Existential Crisis coming at you hot, in 3, 2.....1

How are you feeling? Don't say “good.” You can do better than that. 

What I'm trying to get at is how well can you gauge your disposition (as Jane Austen would have it). Personally I find it hard sometimes. Like at times I feel like screaming into a pillow, waking up at night and crying for a dream that may as well be reality at the hour of the night, finish a sip of tea and realise your burning distaste for someone, walking away from a conversation and chastising yourself for being two faced, feeling objectified but being told you're overreacting, burning something, punching something, someone, or just feeling mentally exhausted that you need sleep but can't... because your not physically tired. 

How does one know what they feel when we are bombarded with messages that attempt to define us, tell us what to feel, how to react, is the authenticity of emotions a luxury destroyed by society? Is the idea of emotions no longer sacred but defiled by the impersonal and remote communication of social media. Are we desensitising ourselves without even knowing it? The phrase “alone in a crowd” is becoming less paradoxical and more applicable.

Misreading in the sense of situation is also becoming transparent especially when there is a screen and a few million pixels, electronic signals, electrons between a conversation on social media. We are so close but innately so far. Intimacy is arguably dead. Articulation of emotions maim. 

My realist other is warring with my self identified idealist self atm if you can't tell. Is their harm to accommodate both or is it risking a fragmented mentality? 

Ahh indecisions, indecisions… What ever shall I do.