#5 The Importance of Loving Yourself

Even as I write this—I’m doubting myself. Have I reached a designated check point to even reliably write something like this? Perhaps the question is, do I even love myself?

For now, at this particular moment, I say yes. I think learning to love yourself and give yourself time and nourishment to grow individually is so important. Not important because I’m only 18, nor is it important because everyone says it’s important. But rather, because to love yourself puts you on stable foundations for the rest of your life.

That is not to say you can’t have moments of disappointment. It is OK to not always be happy, so long as you proactively consider your situation and take measures to proceed.

Always proceed.

That brings me nicely to the next point of this musing.

There is no such thing as regret.

Consider this; you've hooked up with a particular someone you should not have even in the first place (there was alcohol involved).

Let me unpack this simply, painlessly and easily.

If you cannot change the past, whats the point in dwelling. Yes, you can formulate other actions that would/should be taken next time should you find yourself in that same predicament. But regret is so socially constructed. It demands we reprimand ourselves on things that we have done, diluting the lesson we have learnt in the process. Regret is a giant black cesspit. Don't give it your valuable time.  

Diary #1 The Future

This is a late entry that I've been working on...

So I have recently I begun to think about uni (not that I haven't already...) and the only thing I salvaged from that experience was ....that I really didn't know what I wanted to do for the rest life (occupation-wise).

It is also becoming clear that I'm ok with that...

This might sound cliche, but what senior school has taught me was that nothing should be taken for granted. As a junior, you go about silently observing the seniors- imagining yourself in a couple of years time and quickly turning away and assuming a submissive stance when they catch you staring. Shying away from direct interaction you still envy their aura- that air about them that seemed so ready for the real world. And you tell yourself that there's plenty of time to think about 'after-school.' You remind yourself this multiple times during your education, but you forget the night before Graduation. 

In retrospect there is never enough time to think about the future and other associated subjects. It seems that no one is allowed the hypothetical time to test the waters- one toe at a time. Its more like a leap of faith most times, if not all. Essentially no one ever is prepared for life. Everyone, behind their facade of grace and security is just as hopelessly confused and capable of uncertainty as everyone else. I hope I'm making sense.... As my Grandfather would say; "Its safe as life!" No a spoken word was truer. Life is dangerous, it is scary, unpredictable, filled with infinite possibilities, unspoken words, unannounced love, full of pain, anguish- all this is true and real. 

I didn't intend to reach a conclusive answer to this enigmatic subject- and so fittingly I think I will never. Otherwise, life would be pretty predictable and undeniably boring.

I think I might write. I don't know what though. To transcend the comfort zone to really experience life. That is what a writer needs. I think I may be too taken by this idea. In my defense, I have tried to be more worldly. More open to everything and everyone. 

I want to be worldly. Then again I have a habit of being too ambitious. 

On a lighter note, I think I might get back into blogging. Otherwise I'm just thrashing around on the internet aimlessly.

MLVD